


The Loneliness We Find in the Chaos

by ivydurden



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, F/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-25
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-10-23 21:49:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10727922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivydurden/pseuds/ivydurden
Summary: "You thought you were blending in the background, but I saw you. I knew what you were doing. You weren't going to pass unnoticed."Mei is a lonely girl who is comfortable being alone, while Jamison is a loud, obnoxious punk rocker who could care less of the chaos he drags along with him.





	1. The Disorder of the Universe

**Author's Note:**

> Soooo, this is probably going to be a veeeeeeery long fanfiction. I have planned about 20 chapters, so it's going to be a very slow burn. There will be mature content later on. Anyway, I'm finally posting this because I have literally never spent so much time writing something and I'm determined to finish this. Nobody proofread this beside myself, so if you see anything wrong with the writing, please let me know! I'm also not a native english speaker, so really, please let me know if something is wrong so I can edit it out :) This also means that I do not understand completely how American/English colleges work - my reference is my own experience with college and Gilmore Girls, so... Also feel free to correct me on this hahaha ANYWAY I HOPE Y'ALL ENJOY READING THIS AS MUCH AS I ENJOYED WRITING IT!!!!!!!!!!!

When she was a teenager, Mei had been in a coma for a little more than five years. Her classmates had outgrown her, and she ended up having to be homeschooled by her uncles to catch up. She was incredibly lonely, having lost most of her friends since she had spent so much time sleeping, as she called it. Only one, Lena, had stayed by her side all those years. But the worst part wasn’t the loneliness, or the time she had lost and the friends who didn’t care for her existence – it was losing her mother.

Still, her score on national exams were amazingly high, making her get accepted in most colleges she applied to. The only problem were the loans. Her inheritance had covered about half of it, but it still wasn’t enough. Her family was never wealthy and Mei never met her father. Every time she had spoken to her mother about this, there wasn't a clear answer. Her mother would tell her that he left, and that's about it. Mei was never curious to meet him, there was a terrible feeling in her stomach that made her nauseous at the thought.

She was used to the loneliness, and used to not having many friends. Even her relationship with her uncles was incredibly formal. When Lena asked to move in with her so she could go to flight school when Mei moved close to college, she had gladly accepted the girl in her life. Their apartment was a two bedroom, simple in a sketchy part of town that she had rented when she moved out of her childhood home. She had gotten a loan to cover the rest of her college tuition, something she would worry to pay after she graduated. The rent was cheap and the place was small, but it was more than enough space for her. It was only when Lena moved in that Mei realized that it was too small for both of them. But it was what they could afford.

Lena was extremely messy and the exact opposite of what Mei looked for in a roommate. She would listen to music late at night and always forgot to wash the dishes that she used. Mei was lucky that Emily, her girlfriend, would take care of Lena's stuff in her place. It was one less thing to worry about, even though Mei wasn’t bothered by doing more of the housework. She didn't go out very often, Lena and Emily were the closest thing she could call as friends.

When Lena and Emily broke up, Mei was devastated. Not only because she saw one of her best friends suffer, but because she knew her and Emily were going to drift away. Lena was depressed for some time, as they were together for over a year. Mei blamed herself for not being as present in Lena's life as she wished at that moment, since she had just gotten a new job at a local bookstore near college.

It wasn't very clear in her head what exactly she wanted to study. Mei loved the earth, so it was natural to her to find something that had to do with it. She exceptionally loved gardening and her plants kept her company during her lonely days when Lena wasn't around. Most classes she picked surrounded that logic - physics, geology, and whatever could fit her schedule.

Her classes began early in the morning and she usually had the afternoon free, which was the time she used to work at the bookstore. Her bills worried her, but she would find a way to not be eternally broke.

One of the most interesting things of her classes, beside the subject she was studying for, was a particular person that looked so obliviously unfit. It wasn't even as if he were interesting, but just really intriguing. A tall boy, with a mechanic arm from the elbow down, a punk rock look and bleached blond hair. He always came in using black ripped jeans and shirts that allowed the world to see the tattoos on his arms. The nails on his flesh hand were painted pitch black and he even used eyeliner on his lower eyelids.

Nobody in none of her classes looked like this. He didn't talk to anyone, always arrived late, she noticed, and always had an attitude as if he could care less of what happened in the world. Sometimes she caught him staring at her when she looked over to him, and he would always have a smug look on his face. Mei did her best to ignore his existence and never really had any type of contact with him. She only knew his name because the professors were used to scolding him when he arrived late. Jamison Fawkes.

It was a grey day. Mei loved grey days, how the weather wasn’t devastatingly cold and even less warm. One of her favorite things was using sweaters, hoodies or any type of jacket for that matter. She felt safe, comfortable and warm. Her glasses could get foggy but it wasn’t something she hated. It was a grey day, and she was already at the bookstore, arranging piles of books beside the counter. The bookstore itself wasn’t very big, so there was no need to have anyone else looking after it beside one employee. She shared the work hours with someone else that came in the morning, and they rarely saw their boss.

The day was still grey when he came inside for the first time.

“I know you.” Mei realized that she had never heard his voice, it was higher and huskier than she’d imagined. His amber eyes were observing her, head to toe, and there was a smile glued to his face that she knew wouldn’t leave.  “We have classes together, yer that tiny cute girl with the hoodies.”

“We do? I don’t recall.” She was lying, and decided to ignore the part where he attempted to make her feel uncomfortable. It’s obvious that she’d already seen him in class, since they had even exchanged glances every now and then. He was noticeable a mile away, since his looks were inconsistent and inappropriate for any environment they would ever be seen together. Mei wondered how he could even afford an education by the way he dressed.

“Ya you do.” Jamison smirked and she tried to ignore him, picking up some books that were placed in the counter and walking away to put them in the shelves they belonged in. His eyes followed her movements, his flesh arm rested on the counter comfortably securing his weight. “So I was thinkin’. What do ya sell here?”

It was a stupid question, to which she didn’t even look at him to reply. “I’m going to let you guess.”

Mei heard him groan in annoyance. “I know that much, love. But what kinda books? Textbooks? Ya have any Russian writers and shit?”

Mei wondered where that could’ve come from, but it definitely spiked her interest. She looked at the shelves, finding the letter M and placing a book in the correct order before saying anything else. The confusion and curiosity were clear in the way she spoke. “What are you talking about? Dostoevsky, Tolstoy?”

“Ya, that book is fine.” He said carelessly. She sighed, as she had expected him not to be as bright as she assumed he was, for a brief moment.

“They’re the writers.” She corrected him, leaving him looking at her confused. “They wrote the books.” She continued, but the information seemed to have no effect. He still looked at her like he didn’t care of what she was talking about. Mei sighed again and pressed her thumbs on her eyelids behind her glasses. “Look, ugh – Why are you even interested Russian literature?”

Jamison seemed immediately offended. “What? I don’t look like I can have a blast while reading Russian shit? It’s maybe too complicated for a bloke like me? That’s what yer sayin’?”

Her only response was to glare at him and look away. She carefully left the books on the counter by his side while his eyes followed her around. Mei marched to the foreign literature aisle while he followed her behind.

“Do ya like it?” Jamison asked, grinning. She had no interest to talk to him about Dostoevsky or Tolstoy and just wanted to be left alone in her job on a grey day, but he was a customer after all, she had to be polite.

“I never got too deep into it, but sure, I-“

“Then I wanna read it.” He interrupted her bluntly. She looked at him in disbelief, fixing her glasses on her face.

“You’re going to read it just because?” Mei had to ask.

“Ya, I feel like it.” Jamison shrugged, simply. There was still a smirk on his face, as if she were about to get into a trap.

Mei sighed, tired, and rolled her eyes. “Just wait a minute.” Mei left to look on shelves further on while he was right behind her. There were many options but she couldn’t help smile to herself amused by the book she decided to pick in her hands. Out of all books, she picked “ _The Idiot”_ and handed it over to him with a straight face.

When Mei saw the betrayed look on him, she couldn’t help but smile, finding the situation hilarious. “Are ya havin’ a laugh?”

“It’s actually a pretty good book.” Her mask started to break and suddenly she was laughing. “Why don’t you give it a try? Maybe you’ll find yourself in it.”

He saw her laughing and smirked, catching up. “I thought you took your profession seriously, love. That’s not a way to treat yer costumers, is it?” Jamison grinned and challenged her, but she wasn’t intimidated.

“I think this is proof of how _well_ I do my job.” She laughed and he raised a brow, interested.

He read her name tag. “Well, _Mei_.” He said condescendingly with a full smile on his face and devilish eyes. “I won’t be reading this shit. I actually came up to pick a book about Thermodynamics.”

Mei, who up to now was having a pleasant time, frowned. He couldn’t be serious.

“I’m serious.” He said, as if he were reading her mind. “I did this just to waste yer time. Maybe get to know ya a little better, I dunno. Shake up yer little borin’ world.”

Mei glared at him before stomping away. She had no patience for this and she was fine where she was. “Oi – I still need the book!”

“Find it yourself!” She yelled back.

 

* * *

 

 

Mei never had a boyfriend, but she wasn’t a virgin. When she woke up from her coma, everything she did had to do with pushing her limits. Even a dating app seduced her into a one night stand with a stranger she barely remembered the name. She didn't care, though, because love was messy and complicated, and no one seemed interesting enough to keep her from getting bored.

There was one guy, someone who she met at the hospital, another patient, that she could probably define as love. He was sweet and kind and understanding. They never got to the sex part, since she later discovered he was engaged to a woman who looked like a supermodel. She should've felt betrayed, her self-esteem should've been shattered to pieces, and she waited and waited to feel heartbroken but the only thing she felt was emptiness. Something that, during her life, she was used to feeling. Emptiness was her state of being and not strong enough to bring her down, instead, emptiness fueled her and comforted her.

Her room was filled with feminine things, glitter, snowflakes and plushies, small reminders of her past life, before the sleep. She felt no more pain when she looked at them, just confidence and the thrill to be there, standing, building something from the ashes that were left. Her room was especially blue, the color, present in most of her life. Her old hospital room was blue, just a darker shade from her room at her childhood house. Blue defined her and was her home.

There are some fires known to being blue.

During the week that passed, she caught him staring at her more frequently by the corner of her eye. She wasn’t amused at all of the thought that he might now bother her in class, beside bothering her at her job. As soon as their class ended, Mei rushed to pick up her things and leave, just leave, because she couldn’t stand it if he just came up and talked to her and invaded her personal space one more time. She didn’t think of any topics of conversation she could ever have with Jamison Fawkes. Normally people were afraid of him, but she wasn’t one of those people. Nothing he could do would hurt her like the storm in her past. But that doesn’t mean she wanted to be anywhere near him or his problems, even less the problems he could cause to her. He was interesting after all, she guessed, but not enough for the trouble he might want to put her in.  

He was quick on his feet though, and managed to catch up to her as soon as she passed the classroom door.

“How long ya’ve been working at the bookstore?” He asked, curious. It looked again like he just wanted to waste her time. Mei hadn’t looked at him yet, decided to ignore his presence the more she could. She picked up her phone and looked at the time.  

“A few weeks.” She said briefly, putting her phone back in her pocket and not wanting to engage in a meaningful conversation. He seemed unaffected.

“Need to pay yer loans, eh?” Jamison smirked and then she suddenly looked at him confused.  

“Yeah.” Her curiosity probably was her worst trait, so she had to ask. “Don’t you?”

“Nope.” He grinned and looked directly in her eyes. He knew he was intriguing and that was exactly what he was trying to do. Make her confused and curious.

When he didn’t say anything else, Mei felt like she needed to find out what the specifics of what he was talking about. “What do you mean ‘nope’?”

“I gotta scholarship back from ‘stralia. Big sum of money, even helped me move and shit.” He said proudly, but it only made her frown.  

“I can’t believe this.” It blew her mind on how could someone like Jamison get a scholarship and she hadn’t. There was something wrong with the world, especially after all the effort she had make just so she could miserably consider an application. Jamison barely made it to class every day, not to mention the way he dressed and the way he acted towards people.  

“I’m not worthy, huh?” He said, directly to the point. Mei looked over to him. She wasn’t going to feel guilty for thinking he was irresponsible and inconsequent, when in reality those were his biggest traits. “Ya don’t know how smart I am, love. My brains should be studied. I’m what they call a _genius._ ” He laughed at the word.

“Genius of what?” Mei still found it unbelievable. He probably was a rich kid with a huge fortune, that somehow went well in school and got in with no problems. It was more believable that he chose to dress like he was homeless on purpose than to him actually be a genius of some sort. Mei examined him by the corner of her eye one more time while she walked by his side. He even painted his nails black, for Christ’s sake.

“Of Physics, Chemistry and that sort of stuff.” Jamison shrugged. It was only now that Mei noticed he was sort of dirty with grease, to complete the whole package.

“Listen, I-“ She stopped her pace and looked up to him, sighing. He was so tall. “I would really appreciate if you left me alone. I need to study and I don’t want to be bothered. Especially waste it with you.” She glared at him. “The store gives me enough time off, so I’d like to make use of it.”

“I know ways we could make use of it.” He effortlessly tried to shake her up, with what she responded with a simple glare. “Fine. Don’t worry. I won’t bother ya no more. Sheesh, what’s up with ya.”

And she was finally left alone. Lonely, as she was used to. It was okay, she told herself. His presence was too much to take in at once, he was loud, inconvenient, and she didn’t want to be close to someone like him. But at the same time, she admitted that she didn’t want to sound as harsh as she did. Even though it wasn’t her intention, hell, it sort of was her intention, she even doubted his intelligence. She shrugged and continued to walk.

_He probably had heard worse._

 

* * *

 

 

A week had passed since their encounter and somehow, every now and then she would think about him. There were a limited list of things she had to think about – of what she would make for dinner, if Lena was going to clean the stove she had agreed to, and if one of her plants would have to be thrown away due to leaf coloring. It was easy for her mind to drift away, and she caught herself thinking of how… _Unfair_ she had been, for the least. For someone who prided herself in being polite and kind, it was really the opposite of her goals. He did bother her but… It’s not like he actively did something bad against her or with the intention of hurting her. Mei sighed, picking up another pile of books to sort in alphabetical order.

She heard the door opening, but didn’t look towards the noise, and remained focused on her pile of books. She was behind her studying schedule and was up late because she to clean her bathroom the night before, so she was unable to study for next week’s exams. Lately it was hard for her to concentrate and she just felt so drained. Working and studying were turning out to be a lot more tiring than she’d first imagined.

Her thoughts were interrupted when the person who came in appeared at her desk. It was him. Jamison looked at her, not saying a word, and left a book on the counter between them. Mei looked up to him, kind of guilty. He looked at her back, not saying a word and with no glistening in his eyes. He handed her the count of money, which she took in the register and he turned away. Mei looked at him hesitate, open the door and leave the store.

Mei cursed herself internally and quickly got on her feet. “Jamison, wait!” She rushed towards the door, closing it behind her. He was there, standing and looking at her confused.

“What? Did I count the money wrong?” He looked at her, still not enthusiastic as usual.

“I…” Mei bit her lower lip. She had no idea how she was going to start this. Somehow, with him, she found it hard to be kind.

“What’s gotten into ya?” He inquired, confused.

“Shut up.” She said, to then place her hands over her mouth shyly. He sure did bring up the worst in her. She muttered, “Sorry.” Mei sighed. “I’m sorry – that’s what I’m trying to say. I was rude to you the other day. It was really… unnecessary.”

“Ya, it was. But don’t sweat it, I’m used to it.” She looked up to him, he was so tall. There was a grin across his face. Mei couldn’t help thinking of how weird it felt to smile back. “Did ya at least do it?”

She had no idea of what he was talking about. “Do what?” Jamison seemed to look at her even more confused.

“Yer alright, doll? Studyin’. Ya said ya were going to study.”

“Oh, that. Um…” She looked away, nervously. There was still another week to the exams, but she had never felt so underprepared. She decided to be honest about it, since they were having a conversation of some sort. “Not really.”

“Big ol’ Jamie here on your mind, eh?” He smirked. She should’ve seen it coming, and rolled her eyes.

“You wish.” She said and he dramatically put his hand on his heart, as if he were in pain. Mei chuckled at the sight. “Aren’t you worried? Don’t you study?”

“Are ya outta of yer goddamn mind?” He laughed and she just looked at him concerned. There was nothing funny about not studying. “I just read whatever I feel like readin’. Most times it’s a more advanced subject so in reality I’m just… better.” He smirked at the end of the sentence.

Mei still didn’t buy the whole _genius_ thing he had said to her before. “But do you even understand it?”

“I told ya, yer don’t know how smart I am _._ Didn’t ya see the book I just bought? _”_ Jamison asked her and she shrugged. He picked her hand up suddenly, something that made her quickly pull it away, offended at his touch. “Oi – I don’t bite ya know. I got these looks on me just for fun. Ya gotta pen?”

She started to feel her pockets, found one in her jeans and handed over to him. He offered his flesh hand, this time not forcefully pulling her. She looked in his eyes, took a deep breath and obliged. Jamison opened the pen with his mouth and used his metal hand to write his number on the hand she had given to him. Mei looked up to him in confusion, to find him staring in her eyes right back.

 “If ya ever feel lost, I can help ya if ya want to. Just call me up.” He said, giving the pen back to her. She said nothing in return, but he didn’t mind. He walked away and happily waved to her, leaving her there. Before going inside again, she looked at the number written on her hand.

 

* * *

 

 

There wasn’t anything she valued the most in the world beside her privacy and her personal space. Even though she was polite and kind, she would never be considered extroverted or let people get to touch her so easily. Nor would anyone, without at least spending some years with her, ever have any knowledge of what happened in her past. Or of what were the things that troubled her mind, of how many numbers she had saved on her phone or who were the people she truly cared about. The list of things was a number so insignificant to a stranger’s view, and that was precisely the reason why she preserved them with so much care. No one could ever barge in and take up her space without her specifically letting them into her life, her mind and everything that was so precious to her.

This semester’s Physics, somehow, was her worst subject. She had tried studying it for the last couple of days, but every class she had made it even harder for her to understand. It was like a domino effect, every piece led to another that would result in a line of fallen pieces, each of them of something she didn’t quite grasp the concept. Not only was studying Entropy difficult for itself, but lately she just felt drained all the time. Lena had started her flight classes and only arrived late at night, when Mei was already fast asleep in her room. On her nightstand she had written his number on a paper, since she didn’t want to lose it, but wasn’t sure if she should save it on her phone. The paper was there, staring at her beside her bed, every time she woke up and every time she went to sleep. If she added it to her phone, it would be the domino effect. All it would take was just another push of a button, she could call him and he would be in her life and in her personal space.

The thought of that made her anxious, he was expansive, his presence spread like wildfire. Having him in her home, her space, could set it all on fire. He would move everything out of place, pick up things not meant to be in his hands, break things that weren’t meant to be broken. She wasn’t ready for this, so the number was still written on that piece of paper.

It was only the next day she realized she was becoming bored. As time passed, her routine was getting more evident. She remembered when Lena moved in with her, of how everything she had built felt like chaos on the first week. Of how it would not only leave her physically, but also psychologically exhausted of how much her world had been shaken up.

Lena reminded her of what sunshine felt like, so even though her blue world had things out of their natural places, Lena somehow made it seem like that’s how it was supposed to be. The stressful moments Mei had passed in the beginning, especially of how badly she treated Lena, loosened her up and brought them closer together. Her world was shaken up, but it felt in the right place.

How would it look when someone like him stomped into it? He would drop bombs at every step of the way, he would forget to clean his shoes at the door carpet before walking in and put them on the couch when he sat. He would pick on her plants, would open her fridge, would kick the coffee table by accident and maybe drop a glass of water on the floor. It was too much to take in.

Mei sat at her bed beside her window, touching on her gardenias she thought were dying despite her efforts to save its life. Her fingers trailed the flower’s soft leaves as she sighed.

She was having a difficult time with Entropy. And maybe it wouldn’t be as bad as she thought he would be. Maybe she was exaggerating or maybe she was right about it all. She glanced over one more time to the number on the piece of paper by her nightstand. If Jamison was as smart as he said he was, he could probably help her, and she was having a hard time with Entropy. So she picked up her phone and wrote his number on it. Mei looked over to the window and the dark city below her and sent him a text.

Mei had discovered that he wasn’t a double texter, he was a triple, quadruple, even decuple texter. It was so exhausting that she was certain she was already making a mistake, but he came over the next night. It had been about an hour since she had left the bookstore and all she wanted was to take a shower and go to bed, but there was still a lot of work to do. It was a Thursday night and she officially had one week to prepare for the exam. It was the only thing in her mind that made her insomnia act up.

They originally planned for him to pick her up at the bookstore and they would walk to her place together, but she changed her mind on the last minute. She needed to breathe and take it slow, take a long shower and get herself straight before his tall lumpy body marched in her apartment.

She put a simple grey tank top and a black legging, and she was about to put her hoodie on when she heard the doorbell ring. Her heart almost escaped from her throat and she decided just to put her hair in a quick ponytail before heading towards the door. Her hand stopped before reaching for her key, suddenly realizing what it would mean to let him inside.

Mei wasn’t surprised to see him smiling ear from ear to see her and the inside of her apartment she cherished so much. To her surprise, he cleaned his boots on the door carpet so there were no prints left at the floor of the apartment. It was the first time he saw her in a tank top, so it was natural that his eyes wandered on her big figure and especially her cleavage. It didn’t bother her, since he was just looking, plus she knew what her body looked like and the surprise was understandable – normally she uses hoodies and he never could exactly see how she looked underneath.

“Ya clothes make ya look bigger than ya really are.” Was the first thing that came out of his mouth. If she had felt happy that he didn’t walk in with dirty shoes, now she regretted the choice of letting him in at all.

“What? I look as big as I really am.” Mei responded angrily, crossing her arms. She could slap him. “Please, don’t feel the need to make me feel better about my body by calling me _thinner_ than I actually am.”

“No, shit. Shit – Fuck, I’m sorry – I think yer body’s amazing the way it is, ya know? Beautiful, a piece of work – Fuck –  ” He stopped talking, lost between words, waving his hands around. “That’s not what I meant.” He ended awkwardly. “It’s just that it’s a lot of fabric to wear on a daily basis, that’s all I meant to say. I swear on me mother’s dead body, I don’t see anything wrong with ya. At all.”

Mei was surprised to see his reaction, but still ignored the flustered look on his face. Her self-esteem was never threatened, contrary to his belief at this moment. “I feel comfortable, I like my clothes.” She said simply, and rose a brow behind her glasses. “And who are you to talk?” He looked at her confused. “You barely wear anything at all. What’s up with that? You look like you’re in an anarchist punk rock band, not an aspiring scientist.” Mei said, closing the door behind her and heading towards the couch.  

“Well that’s a good thing there. ‘Cuz I am in an anarchist punk rock band.” Jamison said happily, throwing himself on the couch, something that made Mei cringe while he felt completely comfortable.  She couldn’t even begin to wonder how he got any spare time at all when their classes were already so difficult. It was intriguing and she couldn’t understand any of it, any part of him.

“I play the drums.” She could hear how proud he was by the sound of his voice. She wasn’t surprised, as loud as he was it would’ve been her first guess.

“Well with that voice of yours I didn’t expect you to be _singing_.” Jamison looked at her offended.

“Ya don’t like my lovely angelic voice? Yer not gonna die before I sing some verses to ya, recite some Shakesperan shit, yer gonna have to be careful not to wet yourself.” He laughed.

She frowned. “Don’t be crude.” She looked away, no one ever dared to talk to her like this, ever. She could say it was anything but boring.  

Jamison started shuffling around his pockets, looking for something. He took a flyer out of his pocket and handed it to her. “We’re playing next week. I can get ya a ticket if ya want.”

Mei took the flyer in her hands. It was pitch black, just like most of his outfit, with a drawing of a stylized boar in the middle. _The Junkers._ Somehow it seemed so fitting. She looked at the date and frowned. It was next Thursday, one day before the Physics exam. “Oh, I don’t know…”

“Well keep it. Ya never know.” He smirked. “Maybe I’ll break that little beautiful angelic pose yer so proud about.”

Mei ignored him the best she could and gave her rose cheeks no attention, and folded the flyer in her pocket. Jamison was just curiously studying her reaction when she looked up to him, with a frown on her face.

“So, this isn’t working.” She said, and his face turned serious.

“What isn’t?” Jamison replied almost immediately.

Mei sighed. “Studying. We’re not studying.” She said. He did come into her space with a clear objective, not to chat. She didn’t need anyone to chat with her and he knew that very well.

“Well what d’ya wanna know?” He said, turning to face her properly. He hadn’t exactly brought anything with him, so Mei stood up and picked the Physics book from her shelf, opening the book to find it’s chapters.

“Look, the exams are going to be specifically about Entropy. But I don’t seem to understand it, at all.” Mei walked over to the couch again, open book in her hands.

“Entropy is sorta like the measure of disorder in the universe.” He answered simply, not even bothering to look at the book in her hands. “What do ya really like to study, by the way?”

“This isn’t time for this. I know the _definition._ ” She said too quickly and sighed. “Climatology.”

“Ya wanna study the weather?” He said, sort of unimpressed.

“Well not _just_ the weather. I want to study the earth.” Mei was almost offended. “What about you? What are you interested in?”

“Physics, Mechanics…” He answered, not being specific at all. It was like he wasn’t sure himself of what he was aiming to be. “That type of shit.” He became distracted and his eyes drifted to his own prosthetics. Mei followed his eyes, curious to wherever this was going. “I made them myself, did ya know?”

“Are you serious?” It was hard to believe he would be able to make those level of prosthetics by himself. She was still wondering if he really was the genius he claimed to be, and didn’t know whether to count the prosthetics as evidence or as an attempt to fool her.

“Ya. When I was 14 I made the first model. It was garbage but it worked the basics. From time to time I adjusted it and it turned into these ones I have today.” He moved around his metal arm, to then pull up his pants up to his knee to show his mechanical leg.  

Mei cautiously stretched her hand towards his arm. “Can I?” He agreed and put his mechanic arm in her hands. She was very careful about touching, not only herself, but others as well, since a little attitude like this one can be considered an invitation to touch her. She looked at it intently – it was tough around the edges, definitely not a professional piece, there were scratches on it everywhere, some metal parts that needed work and there was even some rust on the screws. “That’s… Amazing.” Mei muttered.  

“I told ya not to doubt my smarts.” He grinned to her and she smiled back, he was right. “So are we doing this or what?” Her brows arched up in confusion. “Study the amount of _chaos_ in a thermodynamic system?”

Mei smiled. “Sure.”

He left after a few hours and he did make some effect on the way she viewed the subject they were studying. But she knew it wasn’t enough, and that there was more to be done. But that was something she would do later. Jamison never got the chance to meet Lena, and Mei never mentioned that there was someone else living there with her. Mei wondered if he noticed the different sized shoes and the two closed bedroom doors. She didn’t want him to meet her friends, especially not Lena. Lena would be all over her, asking her too many questions, getting too much involved, because she was like that. Just the thought of thinking about Lena meeting Jamison drained her.

He left but his presence didn’t. Mei looked over to the living room, the place he sat on was still warm and the couch still had his marks around where he sat. The coffee table was slightly out of place since his legs ended up pushing it away while they were placed beneath it. But besides this and a somehow pepper and ashes smell, there was nothing else he left behind. She was alone, and the loneliness was with her.

Lena got home half an hour after that. Mei heard her coming in when she was already inside her room, but not fast asleep. It was time she talked to her, saw her and reassured to her that she hadn’t felt forgotten. Mei opened her bedroom door just as Lena was drinking a glass of water she had fixed for herself in the kitchen. She put the glass down and came almost running, backpack and everything, in Mei’s direction and inside her room.

“It’s like we’re not living in the same house anymore!” Lena exclaimed as she hugged her. She was probably the only person in the world allowed to touch her like that, and her arms felt warm and inviting, and Mei melt into them.

They separated and Lena held her hands. “So how’s college going?” The short haired girl asked her happily. It was amazing how Lena felt comfortable in her room, used to the blue walls and her snowflake sheets.

Mei smiled and pulled Lena towards her bed, and she sat front facing her. “You know how it is… A lot of things to study, and guess what? Physics has been destroying my mind lately…” Mei said softly, Lena seemed to be interested even so.

“Well you love to read, so don’t act like it’s bothering you.” Lena laughed.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Mei laughed with her. “So how is the life of an aspiring pilot? Everything you ever dreamed of?”

“Oh, Mei! Don’t get me started! It’s so harder than I thought it’d be! I think I’m gonna fail all the classes…” Lena laughed, but Mei knew she was partially serious. Lena wanted to serve the military. She smiled and almost hesitated before she continued talking. “So did you meet anyone interesting?” Mei knew she would get to this part of the conversation one way or the other. She sighed, and promptly answered.

“No, I haven’t yet.” A small part of her wanted to say yes, but she wasn’t ready. She didn’t know when she would be ready, or if she would ever be ready at all. She didn’t even know if his presence was going to linger on her life or get any further than it already had gone. Mei was still decided to not going to his show, even though she was curious to see if he was a genius at the drums as he was with Physics.

“Oh love, don’t worry. I know you’re fine the way you are and all, but you’ll make friends soon enough.” Lena touched her hand offering comfort.

“I am fine the way I am.” Mei said simply. She knew Lena pitied her in some way, but it didn’t bother her. Mei just wished she understood that it was okay, she was lonely, and it was completely okay, that there was nothing wrong with it. She wanted to explain to her that loneliness wasn’t a bad thing, it was part of her, it made her comfortable, it was what she even _aimed_ to be if Lena hadn’t magically appeared in her life. But Mei didn’t say anything, and let her words die before asking something else. “And have you met anyone interesting?”

Lena laughed. “Oh, I _wish_. But most of my classmates are horny boys, especially in flight school. It’s hard to find cute nerdy girls who are into my strange extroverted personality and my short hair.” She puffed and Mei laughed.

She loved Lena so much.


	2. An Immovable Object

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I put together a playlist to listen while reading this fic, especially this chapter! Check it out if you want: https://open.spotify.com/user/22mb6nd26zzi6oxqcyafd4maa/playlist/5GqUk2Rc7sN99JPtFSLZ2u <3 Hope y'all enjoy!

She was sure people thought of her as just that, an immovable object, sad and lonely and boring. But she was none of those three things. Sure, she could be sad sometimes, but it was nothing compared to the devastating storm she had been through her late teenage years, after she woke up and discovered her mother had died. She could be lonely sometimes, but it only made her fall even more in love with herself, her mind and her freedom. She could be boring and immovable, but deep within her was also the desire to explore and know the world, beyond the chains of the prison she purposefully put herself in, a comfortable box not meant to be shaken.

But she was adventurous, surprising, and careless, unlike most people thought. Her glasses and reserved personality put her in a mold where everyone assumed she was lame - they were not wrong, but she would never be immovable. There was an unstoppable force within her bones, that roared and screamed, ready to be released whenever she felt was the right time.

His presence in her space wasn’t as dreadful as she had expected it to be. Jamison never left the couch, he didn’t touch her plants and never got to look at her tiny kitchen. Somehow that comforted her. Mei was too busy working for her exams while Jamison was probably rehearsing. That’s what she told herself, at least. Her loneliness seemed more evident the last few days. There were a couple of other exams going on that week but she’d done great in all of them, she thought. All her free time she had spent on studying the best she could.  

On Wednesday, though, he made an appearance at the bookstore. Mei was concentrated on her book and the thousands of notes she had written thousands of times, her glasses were almost pending on the tip of her nose. Mei didn’t even hear him open the door, and when he came in he just stood there, in front of the counter for a while, watching her study.

“Wish ya looked at me the same way ya look at that book.” Jamison smirked, leaning on the desk. Mei jumped when she heard his voice, caught completely off guard.

“You should be doing the same.” She said after looking up to him. He was still grinning at her and somehow she wanted to smile back.

“I’m fine.” He was careless when he said those words, but Mei still observed him doubtfully. “I didn’t want to bother ya or anything, just came by to give ya this.” He took out a ticket of his pocket.

“Oh…” Mei took it in her hands and examined the ticket. She had already made her mind about not going, there was no question that the exam the other day was more important than seeing him play the drums. “You should keep it. I don’t know if I’ll make it tomorrow.” She handed it back to him.

“Nah, it’s yours. If ya gonna use it or not, it’s up to ya.” Jamison said, not giving a care.

Mei looked at the ticket in her hand. It was nice for him to go through all this just to give her the ticket – hell, he was the last person she expected to want to actually befriend her. How strange, though, was the thought of getting to know another side of his. Something wild, something crazy and reckless _._ But she didn’t want to go and she wouldn’t go. “I’m not going to use it, we have an exam the morning after. You should be worried about that too.”

“Keep it anyway, so you’ll keep the memory of what could’ve been the best night of yer borin’ life.” Jamison rested his metal arm on the counter, making himself as comfortable as he could get. His expressions were almost cartoonish, she thought, looking at all the freckles on his sunburnt skin. “Don’t even think of handing it back to me.” He scolded her playfully as he looked deeply into her eyes.   

“Someone else might need it.” Mei smiled, pushing back her glasses a bit. It was the first time that she felt like he was being sweet to her, even though she considered it was nothing worth her time. She wasn’t interested and probably would never be, since they were so different. He would become frustrated with the way she was, he would lose patience and he was loud and would invade her personal space like he earned it. She didn’t want to have that type of mess in her life.

“Look Mei, I’m struggling ‘ere.” He leaned on the counter, pretending to melt in frustration. She merely laughed with his dramatic inputs. “Just keep the damn ticket all right?”

He touched the counter before pushing himself away, giving her a little wink before leaving the store and closing the door behind him.  

Mei observed the ticket in her hands. It would be a nice souvenir, she thought, to keep as a memory of his presence in her life. He destroyed nothing at her home the other day, nothing was broken. He invaded the space even though he had been invited, stormed in with heavy boots which he had cleaned before entering, had left no scars behind as she originally thought he would. Now she had this, a ticket, and she knew it meant that a part of him was already with her.

Mei looked over the trash can beside her, it would be so easy to throw it away, she thought. She could do it, twist and bend and rip the piece of paper, tearing it apart along the rest of him in her life. She looked to the almost white paper again, thinner than pages of the books she normally read, and its tiny letters in no form poetic. She could throw it away, simple as that, and maybe he would be gone. Maybe he wouldn’t bother her anymore, and maybe she would never smell pepper and ashes again.

But she put the ticket in her pocket, where it would be safe, where it wouldn’t be twisted, and bent, and ripped apart. She was going to keep it, just like he had said, to keep the remembrance of something she decided to not have any part in. Just like her sheets, her plushies and all the glitter in her room. Memories are just memories after all, of something that doesn’t exist at the current time.

 

* * *

 

The next day, Mei arrived home to spend most of it studying. She was so worried she even asked to take the day off from the bookstore, leaving her a few bucks behind her already little paycheck. She was feisty, anything else but quiet, fidgeting and incapable of concentrating on what was in front of her. She was so, so, incredibly unprepared, she thought. The whole day like this, studying and repeating words she didn’t recognize anymore of how much she had repeated them in her head. Jamison’s brains did do him justice, and his help was welcome as she did understand more of it than she had the week before. But… It was still confusing. She was still drained, exhausted and her head was an absolute mess.

_Jamison._

Mei looked at the ticket she had put on the end of her desk. It was tonight, and she wouldn’t pass by. She wouldn’t see him play the drums, and she would keep the ticket as a memory of something she wasn’t a part of.

It was a bad idea, in every basic way possible. She would take probably the most distressing exam of her academic year about thirteen hours from now, and her snowflake childhood clock ticked, ticked, and ticked when those hours got shortened. It was impossible for her to go, there was an exam, she didn’t even care for him that much beside the fact that he _sometimes_ amused her. He was crude, and she wouldn’t go.

She looked again to her notes, the repetitive lines. There were so many ways she tried to approach the subject in her hands, and none of them had made a difference. The only thing that made a difference was him. She realized now that she should’ve called him up more times during the week so they could revise together, maybe she had made a mistake by taking so lightly the need of him in her life. Maybe if she had taken him more seriously, she wouldn’t be feeling as desperate. She took a deep breath. It was just an exam, not the end of the world. But Mei was a perfectionist, and her life had, literally, a limited number of things going on. But it was still just an exam.

Mei glanced at the ticket one more time. She couldn’t go and she had told him she wasn’t going to show up. Even though he dearly insisted, in his sort of way at least. It was sweet, she thought, but not worth the effort. It was messy, careless and she wasn’t going.

But she didn’t consider herself an unmovable object, so she took the ticket in her hands. Maybe she could pass by, quickly, as she did need to clear her head. She had been so focused on the exams that maybe she needed to do something completely different so her mind could work better. There was something in her bones that was trying to make her go. Maybe she should go, or maybe she should just take a shower.

And she did. When she got out of the bathroom and into her room, the ticket was still staring at her. It wouldn’t stop, and that tall bleached freckled boy was right, this would be an eternal reminder of how she didn’t go. What was he, other than an agent of mayhem, jumping into people’s lives and acting like it was the most normal thing in the world to be so crude and _loud?_

It was a punk rock concert, it was going to be loud. And she needed to wear black, so she picked a long sleeved black shirt that was a little bit tight for her body, but nothing she would be bothered by. Her snowflake necklace and a pair of jeans and sneakers, her hair would be loose or in a ponytail? Why was she wondering about this type of stuff, she had an exam tomorrow, and she wasn’t going to do anything besides passing by, seeing him play and _leave_. In concerts, there are no such things as personal spaces, and it would be crowded and chaotic. But it was just for a while, she wouldn’t push herself. So Mei put her hair in a bun again. That was enough. She wasn’t going to spend a lot of time there anyway.

She made it to the cab, which she could barely pay, convincing herself that she had done what she could for the exams. Even though convincing wasn’t needed, because it was a fact that she studied and prepared the best she could. She left behind notes she had already memorized from how much she read them, so yeah, convincing wasn’t needed. But the exam tomorrow wasn’t going to cease to exist, and she needed to come home after a couple of hours.

The front of the building was dark, there was no line she had to stand in. She sighed relieved, at least she could get in right away. At the entrance there was only a security guard, who also happened to be the doorman, that asked for her ticket. She looked at the piece of paper she hadn’t torn up when she had the chance. “Are The Junkers playing yet?” Mei asked, only to be answered by a low, monotonic voice.

“Started half an hour ago.” She was a little late.

Mei got inside and she already felt personally disrespected by the amount of people invading her space. The entrance was so crowded and she was now regretting the thought of never giving him back his damn ticket. But then she saw the band on the stage. There were two women in the band with him, and some way this was a thing that surprised her. The lead singer was small and probably carried Asian blood in her veins, just like her. Her hair was a beautiful brown color, falling beyond her shoulders. The other girl was tall, thin and probably one of the most beautiful human beings Mei had seen in her life. Her skin was incredibly pale, her black hair pulled back in a long ponytail, and piercing eyes focused on the guitar she was playing. On the other side of the stage was an enormous man wearing a pig mask, playing the bass. He had tattoos over his body, just like Jamison and the guitarist.

 _Jamison._ Her eyes had finally found him, at the center, playing the drums, and her heart skipped a beat. He looked so concentrated, furious and restless. His arms beat all over the drums and plates in such an aggressive manner that Mei could feel every pound shiver her spine. Her eyes traveled to meet his own, to only find that his amber ones were already on her, like a wild animal feasting on her sight. She almost stepped away and ran the fastest she could. He was a predator, but she couldn’t look away, and he was so concentrated, like a whole other person, a whole other world she was afraid to know more about. He was sweating, she could see his skin glistening from far away. And he was devouring her with his eyes, and she wouldn’t look away from those destructive amber orbs, from the mayhem inside them, from the chaos and from the way he looked at her like no one had ever had in her life. Her brows frowned because she thought of how the banging made her angry, because she hated loud noises, but she didn’t hate the way he viciously and intensively looked at her at that moment, stuck in time. It seemed like it was forever, or maybe just a few seconds of nothing she was used to, nothing she couldn’t get used to, being looked that way by a crazy genius drum player.

Loud bangs were the only thing she could hear, pounding in her ears, intensively and repeatedly, like the notes she had made for her test and the faint melodic voice of the singer. That far away, Mei found unfortunate that she couldn’t see his freckles, his hands were moving so fast and she couldn’t see his painted nails, nor could she smell pepper and ashes. But she remembered those feelings all the same just by looking straight in his malicious gaze who was entirely hers for that single moment.

When the show ended and the whole crowd cheered, Mei knew that never in her life had someone spent so much time concentrated in her, even though they were so distant. And even when he stood up and threw his drumsticks aside, he didn’t stop looking deep in her big brown eyes. Mei felt the blood rushing in her veins, because she couldn’t stop observing him either. It was the rest of his bandmates’ fault that their gaze was suddenly interrupted, when they spoke to him. Her search for his gaze was useless, and for a brief moment, he left with her a feeling of abandonment. Mei watched them get their stuff off the stage together so the next band could get prepared to take their place.

Mei even took a deep breath and sighed heavily, while leaning herself on a dirty wall behind her. She saw him gather his plates and drums to follow the rest of the band. She was almost trembling, not of fear, but of excitement, of adrenaline, she guessed. Her heart was still beating loudly in her chest, following the bangs of his drums of a song that had already stopped playing.

A lot of people were reunited backstage with the only purpose to congratulate them. Mei wasn't sure if it really was her place to talk to him. The place wasn’t very big and she wanted to leave. She could feel the breath of a man by her side and flinched at the cold touch of a bottle of beer on her left arm. But she wanted to meet his gaze again, to understand, to see up close the chaos in his eyes one more time. She waited some time for the crowd to spread and then got in there. Jamison was drinking water, hair wet and skin dripping. By the way he was banging it took a lot of exercise, and she now understood why his metal arm was so beaten up the other day. It all made sense, the way he played as if he were trying to set off a bomb. Jamison’s eyes caught hers and a smile formed on his lips.

“Mei!” He shouted, from a short distance. She came closer and noticed that all the other band members seemed to look at her in confusion, as if they thought it was strange for her to be in a place like this.

“So, what d’ya think? Fucking amazing, right?” He said, smiling proudly. She felt relieved to smile back, happily. Overall, this distressing experience was giving her a thousand of different feelings she hadn’t expected this night. Why was she so shy, suddenly? “Could ya really pay attention?” He said almost as a whisper and a shiver sparked up her spine all over again.

She could feel her cheeks getting pink, but her voice was probably barely audible, “You were great.” She said firmly, looking into his eyes, refusing to be shaken so easily even though she was feeling like an idiot. “But I really should get going.” Mei cut him off suddenly. He just laughed, and that annoyed the hell out of her. Jamison proved his point, he could mess with her head, infuriate her world, and it was this easy to play her. She didn’t need to be there anymore.

“I was gonna invite ya to go to this other party we’re going to after this, to celebrate. It’s our tenth gig as a band.” He said, gulping the last of his water.

“What? Uh…” Mei was caught by surprise. By her book, her night was over. She had barely survived this much time around so many people, and going somewhere else would be equally revolting for herself. She did have an exam tomorrow, one which she kindly remembered to herself, she couldn’t miss. “I don’t think so, I wasn’t planning on it…”

She could hardly finish her sentence before the small lead singer jumped between them, carrying a smile on her face and an expression beyond excited. “You’re Mei?” She said happily, invading the already scarce personal space Mei had around her. “Jamie told us all about you!”

Now that was news. She couldn’t even begin to wonder in what type of situation he would ever mention her, at all. They weren’t dating, hell, they weren’t even friends, for a fact. “What?” Mei looked over to Jamison in complete confusion, to just find him angry and flustered. Mei couldn’t tell if it was because of the recent exercise or if he really felt that embarrassed.

“Hana. Shut the fuck up.” His voice was serious and threatening, but the girl could care less if he had a gun pointing to her head.

“All good things, don’t worry. It’s nice finally getting to know you.” Hana’s focus was on Mei, looking at her from top to bottom. She’s probably a bit disappointed, Mei thought, because she really lapsed on her looks today. Her hair was in a bun and she hadn’t even put lipstick on, or any type of make up for that matter. “My boyfriend is playing at a party nearby, we’re going to hit that up soon. Wanna come with us?” Hana said hopefully.

Mei looked at her big shiny eyes, it sure was hard saying no to that girl. “Oh, I don’t know…” She tried to take a step away, not wanting to get more involved in this mess as she already was.  

“Let’s go! Please?” Hana looked up to her hopefully and took her hands in hers, holding them close. That sudden need for intimacy made her want to run away, get as far of there as possible, but she knew the girl meant no harm. Hana had no idea there was a big exam tomorrow that Mei had to go, had to attend, and that it was impossible for her to agree on going.

“Oh, okay. Fine. I’ll go.” She said, impulsively, to her own surprise. She looked over to Jamison, who wasn’t even facing at her. It made her wonder why she was even putting herself in this situation.  

Hana squealed in delight, jumping on her feet of excitement. “Roadie’s taking us. We’ll see you two outside.” She giggled and rushed back to the man Mei understood was Roadie, the big guy who played bass and who was also holding a pink phone for her when she got nearby.

Jamison had a hand in his hair, touching it somewhat nervously. “She’s a piece of work, I tell ya.”

Mei turned back to him, trying to guess what was going through his mind at a time like this. She shouldn’t be going to the party. “She seems really nice.”

“Dunno about _nice._ More like an annoyin’ brat.” He said, then looked back to Mei. Suddenly, things got awkward when both of them said nothing else. She shouldn’t be going. “So… Did ya study today?”

Of course he would ask her about this. Who wouldn’t, after she declined so much his invitation because she needed to study since there was a big test tomorrow? “Oh, yeah, but… I don’t think it was enough.” She admitted, to see that he just looked at her, sort of… worried? She couldn’t figure out his expression. “Did you study?”

“I told ya, don’t need to. Got it all up ‘ere.” He pointed to his head and laughed. She rolled her eyes with a smile forming lightly on her lips. “Ya sure ya wanna go?”

Mei looked away, towards the door. He was giving her an out, she could say no. She could leave him there, to walk back to his car alone, Hana would ask of where _Mei_ had went, and she would never officially get to meet the other band members. She sighed. “Yeah…” He still looked at her questioningly.

“Don’t look so into it.” Why was he doing this? It was him who asked for her to come so insistently. Mei breathed in, annoyed.

“It’s just… Been a while since I went out. The exam tomorrow doesn’t help.” Mei blurted out the answer closest to the truth. Her brain was ordering her to leave, she could even hear her snowflake clock ticking in her head. How many hours did she have left?

“Need to take a break, right?” Jamison said simply, trying to make her talk. She knows he expected this of her, to just tell him everything that troubled her mind at the moment, but nothing was going to come out.

“Yeah, that too.” Mei answered simply.

“No bookstore today?” An odd question, to say the least. He probably thought she’d miss it just because her nerves wouldn’t leave her alone.

“No, I took the day off.” She said.

“I can’t predict the future, love, but I’m confident ya’re gonna ace this exam. How long ya’ve wasted on this? Weeks?” Jamison said bluntly.

Mei started to wonder how much time he spent observing her, and came to the realization that he just wanted her to feel better. Probably have some fun too, and her being stressed out got in the way. “I guess.”

“If ya still don’t wanna go, then don’t go.” He shrugged, understandingly. Mei noticed he wasn't trying to force her into this, _he was giving her an out_. And being around him now felt comfortable. She took her phone out of her pockets and checked the time. 9:43. Yeah, there was still time. She could stay up till what, 11:30 or midnight and she’d still wake up in time for her test.

It was too late now, she had already let him in. Her intimacy was already stained, her world was already shaken, and she would never forget the way he looked at her while he was playing. She smiled lightly when he looked at her anxiously. He smiled back.

 “So…” He scratched the back of his head. Mei felt like blushing, and she probably already was. “Let’s go?”

“Yeah, it’s better if we get going.” She answered, too quickly.

 

* * *

 

The car wasn’t designed to fit all of them together. Mei was stuck in the back seat by Hana’s side, the guitarist was nowhere to be seen and Jamison was on the front seat, beside Roadie. She should’ve taken his out, and she shouldn’t be going to this party. Hana struggled for Mei’s attention while she showed pictures of Lucio, her boyfriend, on the phone. He was one of the DJs that were playing at the party, apparently, and Hana was incredibly proud of him. It was endearing to see how other relationships seem to work and somewhat refreshing to know she was nothing else than Jamison’s friend. Mei wasn’t interested in him in any way possible, but that thought relieved her of a question that was stuck in her throat.

"He's so good! You're gonna see it!" Hana exclaimed excitedly, putting her phone close to her chest. Mei could almost see the hearts in her eyes. "He's one of Jamie's best friends, that's how we met. And I got in The Junkers." Hana blurted out.

Only now Mei realized of how much she had already invaded Jamison’s space. Maybe it was the other way around, maybe the intruder was her, and maybe she was the one that had been acting like she earned it. Mei tried to look at Jamison and find his expression, suddenly worried that she wasn’t welcome. But he was too busy arguing with Roadie about the radio station, too occupied to be looking at her, sitting at the backseat. They had nothing to do with the other, after all.  

"Him and Roadie go way back.” Hana seemed to notice Mei’s eyes wander to the boy in the front seat. “They used to live together back in Australia, y'know? He's like his older brother." Hana explained. And there it was, once more, the thought that she was infiltrated in his life like a parasite.

"Oh." Mei seemed surprised, and Hana effortlessly tried to examine Mei’s expression, but impatient as she was, she gave up after a couple of seconds.

"What about you? I heard you worked at a bookstore." There it was again, how much did Hana actually know about her? Nothing that mattered, Mei told herself. So Mei wanted to laugh at the thought of Jamison trying to explain her to someone else, it would all be amazingly boring.

"You did?" Mei smiled, feeling somewhat honored by now. "It's fine, I guess. I'm only working there to pay my loans. It's part time." She decided to say – the girl was captivating. Mei also thought of how innocent Hana looked, and she felt no need of pushing away the thoughts of maybe having her as a friend. Unlike how she felt about Jamison.

"So you and Jamie study together." Hana said, once more testing Mei’s limits to what information she would really give her.

"Not really. We just have some classes in common." Mei answered simply.

"Hm." She seemed to wonder, Mei could almost feel the urge in Hana’s eyes to how she would understand her maybe a little better. "Mei, you’re a big nerd, right?" That was definitely something that took Mei by surprise, but not something she hadn’t heard before. She did carry big glasses across her face and wasn’t used to going to punk rock concerts unlike Hana by her side. But Hana didn’t really know her, so it was nothing else than an innocent assumption. Should she be offended? "Oh no, don't worry! I'm a big nerd too.” Hana completed quickly, and smiled innocently. “We should play video games together some time. Make it a double date."

What was she thinking was going on? Mei wasn’t going on a date with Jamison, in fact, she would _never_ go on a date with him. Well, Jamison did talk about her to his friends, especially to Hana, who seemed unable to keep a secret. Maybe he had other intentions for the night? The image of the way he looked at her during the show suddenly flashed in front of her eyes, remembering how viciously he looked at her, and her cheeks suddenly felt red. No, that wasn’t possible. She wouldn’t allow it.

"Look Hana, I'm flattered but... Me and Jamie." Mei looked over to Jamison, who was quiet in his seat for a first. She let it out, almost a whisper, but she had to say it. "We're not dating."

"What?" Hana was in complete shock. Mei assumed right, Hana was under impression this was a date, even though Mei had never agreed to this. "Jamie? Is this true?! You haven't asked her on a date yet?"

Mei turned red as a tomato. Oh, no, she should’ve seen it coming. Hana didn’t keep her mouth shut, neither would she keep any secrets for more than a minute. Mei could already feel her skin burn.

"'Course I have. What d'ya call this?" Jamison said simply, Mei could almost see a smirk forming on his lips even though he wasn’t looking at her.

Hana looked over to Mei, who was blushing. Mei fixed her glasses awkwardly, unable to react. It was a trap, and he was a crude and a jerk. She shouldn’t have come, she should’ve thrown the damn ticket away and she would call a cab as soon as they got to the party. She had an exam tomorrow and it was already late.

"Well, I'm glad you cleared that up." Hana smirked to Mei, who was even more embarrassed than before.

 

* * *

 

When they arrived at the club Hana's boyfriend was playing at, there was a huge line in front of it. Mei dreaded at the thought that she was going to have to face that line beside all these strangers, but all Hana needed to do was give her name at the entrance so all of them could enter for free. Mei wasn’t planning on going inside.

Jamison was still talking to Roadie when Mei decided to mislead them. Hana had already gone inside, but Mei was going to run away as far as possible. Her brain was ordering her to, it was already late and she had an exam tomorrow. Roadie walked in, but Jamison didn’t. He was smarter than that, and by now probably knew Mei a little better, for her dismay. So he turned back to face her and see if she was anywhere near coming inside, and she knew she had been caught. She waited for him to tease her, tell her how boring she was and how much she would miss out. But he said nothing, just walked away from the entrance, and leaned on the wall behind him, after saying to the security _he_ would be going inside in a minute. _He_ would be going inside, not her, not both of them, together, as Mei intently observed.

“You should’ve told me, _Jamie_.” Mei said almost ironically. She was angry and probably a little flustered. She was the one supposed to have control of her life, her space and her intimacy and there was no date going on. There was absolutely nothing going on, for a matter of fact. And she thought she was clear to him about this – or maybe she wasn’t, she thought. Maybe not enough, she did leave her notes on her desk and she did come to see him play. And she did accept him invitation to this party, actually, Hana’s invitation, he had given her an out. But, even so, she noted, she didn’t accept a date at any moment of the night, day or week of her life. “You should’ve told me it was a date.”

"Well if I told ya would ya said yes?" He smirked, playfully, already getting in her nerves. Who did he think he was? She could smack him in the face right now, how dare he be talking about something like this, this way, so mundanely and carelessly, something that meant so much for her.

"No." She said angrily. “You know I would’ve said no.” He laughed and she continued to murder him with her eyes. This was all a joke to him. She was now realizing that maybe he wasn’t serious when he said it was a date. She remembered herself it was a trap, he laid a trap for her and she had gotten caught in it. This was the explosion that came after that.

"Calm down, love." He began to explain. “I didn’t even think ya would actually show up. That show wasn't obviously a place for a lady like yourself, am I wrong?” Jamison told her simply, and he was right. She didn’t want to come in the first place, she wanted to throw away the ticket that he had only offered it to her as a remembrance, she pointed out, not as a true invitation. He was playing with her. “What I said to Hana was a joke. If I’d ask you on a date, ya would’ve known, I can guarantee ya that much.” Jamison said simply, throwing his metal hand around.

“I can’t believe you.” Mei rolled her eyes, annoyed. She wasn’t as angry as before, but this was already enough for the night, she had already gone through too much.

“I’d be lying to say that I hadn’t thought about it.” He said simply, but Mei seemed unimpressed.

“Then don’t joke about it.” She answered, crossing her arms. He shrugged. It was obvious he didn’t take dates or these type of things as serious as she did, so she sighed and gave up. It was useless to even feel disrespected by it.

 “Tell ya what, I’ll pay a cab for ya. The least I can do for ya not to hate me as much as ya do right now.” He said.

“There’s nothing you can do about that.” She pointed out. He threw himself on his knees, with a hand over his heart. Mei’s expression faded lightly and she even managed to let out a faint chuckle, even though she was still angry at him.

He got up, laughing, and patted his knees to remove the dirt on it. Mei watched as he signaled for a cab with his metal hand. He was serious when he said he’d pay her ride home, which was a good thing, she noted. She felt relieved to know that the date part was only a joke and she knew this destroyed the chances of ever going on a real date with him. That last part wasn’t a bad thing, she had to remind herself, although there was no use pushing him away by now. She was too involved.     

A cab stopped in front of them and Jamison quickly positioned himself on the window to talk to the driver inside. Mei looked at her phone, it was already past 10. She had to go, there was an exam tomorrow. She opened the back door of the cab and looked over to Jamison before she did anything else.

“We have an exam tomorrow.” She pointed out, and his eyes were staring into hers. “And you shouldn’t stay up too late so you don’t miss it.” Mei finished sharply, and closed the door. They drove away and Mei could see, by her window, that he just watched the car in the distance.

Mei tried to remember that she wouldn’t regret this, because her night had already had been more than fulfilling. She tried not to think about Hana wondering where she went, or the fact that she wouldn’t hear Lucio’s music, or that she would never dance to it. Mei couldn’t even remember when was the last time she danced. But she could remember his freckles, smelling pepper and ashes and the vicious gaze they shared that shook her bones and warmed her cheeks at the mere thought.


	3. An Unstoppable Force

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, don't forget to check out the playlist: https://open.spotify.com/user/22mb6nd26zzi6oxqcyafd4maa/playlist/5GqUk2Rc7sN99JPtFSLZ2u 
> 
> This chapter was very fun to write! I hope y'all like it <3 and yes, i'm kingfuriosa on tumblr!

That’s how people saw him, he knew it. An unstoppable force. And he was just exactly that, nothing in him was immovable. Not only did he feel this way, but he also posed exactly the same. Since he’s known himself as a person, he never wanted to be anything different than what he was. Maybe with some extra limbs, but it wasn't something that got in his way anymore. Lately though, he was thinking that his way of life might had become a problem.

Jamison examined his surroundings - people drinking, dancing, having the time of their lives. Lucio was playing his latest set at the club while he was leaning against the wall near the entrance, drinking a beer and unable to focus on any beat Lucio was dropping. Jamison looked over to his bottle of beer, already half way done. He had encountered another unstoppable force, and completely by accident.

Mei’s eyes were always wandering the room, observant. He could've noticed her a mile away, her big brown eyes and puffy cheeks and her hair made in a ponytail, bangs covering her brows and few strips of hair untied. He knew she thought she blended perfectly in, disguised herself in something normal, something in the background. Maybe that’s exactly why she caught his attention in the first place, because she could so easily pass unnoticed.

Jamison took another sip of his beer. The truth is he just wanted to have fun with her, or he just told himself that. He searched for the most boring thing he could find in that stupid Physics class and it had been her, he convinced himself. But he knew that, for a matter of fact, not really. Once he paid more than a minute of attention, he would realize of how quiet she was, how mysterious she was, and what a puzzle she was. She wore hoodies and sneakers, but still, somehow, managed to be incredibly feminine. His mind drifted to how, unlike her, he could be the exact opposite of introspective, even though he was at a night club drinking a beer, alone, not laughing and partying as he usually did, by the way, leaning on a dirty wall.

He was surrounded by people, but felt incredibly lonely. And he hated loneliness, as it had haunted him for most of his life. The fire hit his home when he had hardly turned thirteen. Years and years of suffering, that felt like bombs ripping him apart and clear memories of the fire that had taken everything away. Thank god Mako was close by to put him in place, an old family friend that had taken him into custody, he’d like to think. If it wasn’t for him, he would’ve been even crazier than he was today, if that was even possible.

Getting into college was Mako’s idea, not only because he thought Jamison needed to get an education, but that he’d grown tired of Australia. Jamison knew that much of him to assume that he didn’t innocently care for his skinny ass’ wellbeing specifically, something had to work out for him as well. He was rich, Mako had taken care of him most of his life, and he appreciated him for it. He could give Mako the structure to live a good life, and Mako did take care of him when he needed in return. Jamison didn’t even care for money, as long as he had it. It was Lucio who gave him the idea to move to his same city. Jamison had known him when they were kids and used to be close friends, so Lucio introduced him around. The dude didn’t mind of how weird he was, or of his anarchist tendencies. So they had remained close and it was like no time had passed.

College was a tiring experience, but he was almost being paid to study. The scholarship he had won wasn’t born out of luck, though, he knew how much he had done to get it. Since he was thirteen Roadie never let him stop studying, even though the fire had blown half of him away. He didn’t mind though, since the hardest subjects were the most interesting to him. Somehow, even though a fire destroyed his life, took away his parents, took away his home, he was still stronger for it. His missing limbs were the constant memory of that part of him, the remembrance that it existed and it would always be _there_ , no matter what he did and where he’d go.

They were memories, and they were precious to him. He would never forget the year he lived through after the fire that would mold him to grow into who he was today. He could remember exactly how many times he cried, how much he had wished he had burned away, all of him, and how he cursed himself for being incomplete. But he wasn’t incomplete, now he knew that. At the time, that was all he thought about.

But all the crying and suffering never did anything to him beside get in his way. What he cherished the most is what comes after shedding that much tears – the motivation that he needed to stand up again, using two feet, and to hold a knife and a fork, one in each hand. No more spoons. He had to do everything with his left hand and that had brought him to distress many times, it was so fucking hard. He remembered it, _it was so fucking hard._ It had never occurred to him, before the fire, of how useless his left hand was and how hard was it to write with a hand he never used properly. It was harder using his left hand, he thought, than studying physics and advanced mechanics. Nothing would compare to not having that type of control, of feeling completely useless and dumb because your movements don’t obey your brain.

He sighed and frowned, not understanding clearly the reason why he was so caught up in his own memories all of a sudden. Jamison took another sip of beer and looked over to the dance floor. Up in the stage was Hana beside Lucio, they were laughing, she had just kissed him one more time and Jamison almost felt like vomiting at how cute they were. She was an annoying brat, but he knew Lucio loved her. Lucio probably didn’t even have a clue of how in love with her he was, and Hana didn’t either. His best friend was quite literally the best person he had ever known, ever, in his miserable life. The guy did charity work, _voluntarily_ , he noted, for Christ’s sake.

Then he remembered how Hana had embarrassed him earlier, in front of Mei. Jamison frowned and cringed, falling onto the wall dramatically. It had been a week since Mei had asked him to come over her apartment, by text, by the way, and he was obligated to find a way to delay his rehearsal that day and everyone was asking him why, why, _why_. While complaining, he accidentally told them he was meeting a girl and they acted all surprised, thinking who was the crazy person who would ever go on a date with a crazy fucker like him. When he explained, against his will, that she was completely normal and that they would even find her _boring_ , that she worked at a fuckin’ bookstore, for crying out loud, they laughed. At his fucking face.

There was a part of him that wanted to ask her out, but especially after today he knew all too well he was sometimes too much to take in. And she was delicate, any move he made could make her run away, there was a thin, thin, so incredibly thin ice layer between them that could be so easily broken. Not because she was weak, or too vulnerable, but because she was wild and unpredictable. She was the cold river beneath it. Mei was so stuck in her own head that she could change her mind at any minute, especially when she realized she wanted to be nowhere near a guy like him.

Everyone would think she was boring, he thought. But in reality, she was a light, nothing that could be seen so easily by casual observers. She didn’t feel intimidated by him, she had no fear in her eyes. Her presence is captivating, almost incandescent once you start paying attention to her. She didn't care that much for her appearance, even less if her clothes were too big for her overweight body, which, for a matter of fact, he thought someone would be crazy to consider unattractive. In fact, she knew of this herself, the confidence she had was astounding, especially after observing her for some time, she was almost inherently… sensual, just by being herself.

Jamison didn’t even notice when Hana walked over to him and almost tripped on nothing when he felt her cold hand over his shoulder.

“What’s gotten into you? Where’s Mei?” Hana asked, worried. He straightened himself and looked over the girl which he hated he cared about. He puffed, annoyed, to only leave her more curious.

“Are ya blind? She left.” He told her bluntly and Hana crossed her arms, angry and frowning.

“What did you do?” Hana asked irritated. He knew she had liked Mei, exactly because she was the complete opposite of what he was. To this day, he still didn’t understand how Hana could even have the patience to put up with him and he would never admit to her that he was glad she had.

“I didn’t do nothin’, why’d ya assume I done somethin’?” He replied, now annoyed and partially offended. Everyone always expected the worse of him. They weren’t wrong though, but it would be nice to have the benefit of the doubt sometimes.

“’Cuz that’s what you do, you fuck things up.” Hana replied simply, and she could easily see the betrayed look on his face.

“Oi – that’s not a nice thing to say, you fuckin’ brat.” Jamison replied, offended. “It’s none of your goddamn business.” 

Hana quickly took away the beer in his hand, to his many complaints, and punched his tattooed shoulder, rather toughly, he noticed. “I’m taking this away!” She announced, too late to be a warning. “Go talk to her, Jamie. Or, I dunno, just go home, you’re not having a good time anyway.” Hana left drinking the rest of his beer.

“Yer not supposed to be drinkin’!” He pointed out as he watched her leave. She gave him the middle finger, a polite way of telling him to _fuck off_ , and continued on her way.

Fuck, that brat was right.

He felt guilty about how he had tricked her for a joke, and never meant for her to get hurt the way she did. He was terrible at relationships and honestly didn’t think she would react that way, but maybe he pushed it too far, maybe he’d need to make it up to her somehow. Well, thinking about it was sort of useless, she was probably sleeping by now. She took things so seriously, her intimacy, her privacy, everything she did had a meaning behind it. Nothing was reckless, unlike him. Jamison had realized by now that she had stopped studying and had come all this way just to see him play. She was probably curious, he thought, but he was so surprised he didn’t know what to do. He just knew he wanted the sight of her to never leave his eyes, leave his mind, and then… He somehow pushed her away. He sighed. He was worrying too much and he didn’t want the guilt to consume any further, so he picked up his phone and typed “I really am sorry”, simple as that, and then clicked send. There.

He remembered Mei’s voice telling him there was an exam tomorrow that he had to attend. She had already gotten into his head, invaded his thoughts, and troubled his mind. The image of her walking in the show, so completely unaware of the fire burning in his eyes as he watched her delicate movements that burnt his memories.

He especially remembered of how she looked back, unintimidated and fearless. It was the last thing he had expected her to do, to not look away, her eyes not once drifting away from his gaze, even when he stood up and threw his drumsticks on the stage. All he wanted to do, at that moment, was to never break their gaze. He could only think of how no one had ever looked to him the way that she did, with so much intention and with so many words left unsaid. How it made his heart pound like the beating drums below him, and left him with so many questions he could probably never ask.

Jamison tripped over thin air. The fuck was he doing there standing by himself like a goddamn idiot? He got up, and waved goodbye at Lucio and Hana, from a distance. And left the night club so he could try to sleep and wake up maybe in time. There was an exam he couldn’t miss and a scholarship he couldn’t lose.   

The next morning, he woke up with more than enough time, that was a first. He had taken other exams that week but none were as early as this one. He took a shower, because he reeked of beer and it had already had come to a point that it was bothering even himself. Plus, he needed to wake up, it was so early his eyes could barely open. A cold shower almost burnt his skin and the morning light left a constant sting on his eyes.

His apartment was messy, clothes everywhere, posters on the wall. There was an empty bag of cheetos beside his bed, which he stepped on and grumbled when he realized it wasn’t empty.

Jamison stumbled right into class and the exam hadn’t started yet. He felt so damn lucky, especially when he saw Mei sitting in one of the front seats. He looked at her quickly, gave her a small smirk and a thumbs-up that made her roll her eyes. He knew she was terrified and shaking in her seat.

Jamison answered every question so quickly. He was the first one to finish while everyone else was stuck. He now realized that the subject was easy exclusively for him, no one else. The professor, a tall red haired woman, eyed him feet to head when he handed her the piece of paper, frowning in disbelief. He shrugged to her, gave her a smile and left the classroom feeling on the top of the world.

One by one, people got out of the classroom. All types of figures, each one he had already examined individually. An hour passed, and Mei was still nowhere to be seen. She must’ve been pretty fucking nervous. He wondered if it was really a good idea to wait for her to come out of a test she was so distressed about, step out of the infernal classroom to look at _his stupid ass_. It wasn’t a good idea at all, it was a terrible idea, he thought. But she had shown up the night before, so maybe she didn’t hate him that much after all. The only problem was his last joke that got a little out of hand, but… Fuck it. Why was he caring so much anyway?

He was about to leave when he heard the door opening one more time, and Mei was exactly the last one to leave the classroom. Her brows arched in surprise to see him but she frowned hardly a second later, to look away and be on her way. He didn’t normally apologize, or even really think about any of the consequences of his actions whatsoever, but he felt like he owed her one. Jamison paced behind her.

“How’d it go?” Jamison figured this was probably the best thing to ask at that moment. Mei looked over to him, big brown eyes filled with frustration.

“I don’t really know.” She admitted, fixing her glasses, and looking away from him one more time.

“Wish I could’ve helped ya out more. Er, I’m sorry about yesterday.” Jamison said awkwardly, but the words seem to have no effect on her. He saw her bite her lower lip, lost in thoughts, like she usually was. “Could ya sleep?”

Mei somehow seemed surprised when he asked this, probably an information she wouldn’t assume he knew, as if he had discovered something that was supposed to be a secret. “No, I couldn’t really.” She replied.

They were in silence for a while and Jamison contemplated leaving her alone, since he was obviously bothering her. She hadn’t slept and was already distressed by the exam, and now he was basically forcing her to talk to him. He should leave, even though he wanted to stay.  

“How’d you go?” Mei seemed genuinely curious, he noted, but he couldn’t help but laugh when he answered.

“What d’ya think?” He told her, amused. She rolled her eyes, expecting this coming from him probably. “Ya saw me bein’ the first to leave.” Jamison said, and she just mumbled something annoyed.

He knew that him being smarter, at least on this subject, was something that made her angry. After all she had told him as much, but he couldn’t help being like this. “Yer smarter than you think, Mei. If you memorized those notes I told ya, ya got this covered.” He assured her, and she looked over to him. Her eyes said nothing, but Jamison observed her sigh exhaustedly.

“I know…” Mei was quiet for a while, lost in her thoughts. He enjoyed seeing her think and watch all the micro expressions she made, herself being totally unaware she was doing them. Mei looked over to him, worried. “Would you tell Hana that I’m sorry that I didn’t say goodbye to her?” She said suddenly, catching him by surprise.

It wasn’t a shock for him to know that she found Hana alright, he even admitted himself that he cared for the girl. They look like the type of people that would get along well and be good friends, but with him it was a completely different reality. He wondered if Mei found it weird to think of how Hana could ever be friends with someone like him.

“Tell ya yerself.” Jamison answered simply, smirking. Mei looked distraught, and he knew that was because she wasn’t certain if she’d ever see her again. She was trying to push herself away and he understood that, and, honestly, he could respect that. Maybe this would be a goodbye, maybe the last night was the last straw. Maybe he pushed too far.

Mei sighed and said nothing, confirming his assumptions. She looked so torn and broken, it made him want to embrace her, but he knew it was over. Though as crazy as he was, he could never touch her without her permission. Writing his number on her hand that time was enough proof of this, when she pulled it away so offendedly, as if he had just broken a fucking federal law. His hand was heavier than he admitted, and he didn’t know how to handle things carefully without breaking, so it’s better if he did nothing at all.

“When are you guys playing again?” He heard her say suddenly, and looked over to see her looking away. Her cheeks were a light shade of pink and he couldn’t tell if she was embarrassed.

“Dontcha worry, love. You’ll be the first to know, I promise.” He said, grinning. Jamison decided it was his queue to leave her alone to her thoughts. It had already gone better than he expected, and it was better if he didn’t insist. It was already too much to take in in two days.

By the corner of his eye, he could see Mei stopping her pace and leaning against the wall, sighing. There was probably a lot to think about.

 

* * *

 

Jamison was very giddy when he arrived for rehearse the next day. Everyone noticed this, even though he was terribly recluse the other night at the club, the complete opposite of his wild personality. He had advanced somewhat in his relationship with Mei – at least she might not hate him anymore, and that was enough to make him happy. It was weird feeling this excited about someone, he thought, and it would be a fucking disaster if he fell in love with her. But things weren’t like that, anyway. Just a stupid crush, and there was nothing disastrous about that.

Hana was the first to notice he was back to his usual self. He knew she would find away to talk about this to him eventually, if it took too long Hana would burst of curiosity. “So did you straighten things up with Mei?” Hana asked when they decided to take a break. 

Knowing the question would come didn't stop him from getting startled about it, Jamison almost choked on his water when the girl asked him. “W-What the fuck? Why d’ya ask?” He blurted out, sort of offended.

“Did you?” Hana insisted and Jamison just rolled his eyes, accepting his fate. He knew she would get her way, so he might as well as tell her.

“Yeah.” He answered simply, not wanting to get into many details. He started to close his water bottle while she was still eyeing him.

“And…?” She wouldn't stop. He knew that, she knew that, but stubbornness was one of his biggest traits.

“And that’s it. I dunno what you want me to say anymore.” Jamison shrugged.

“Are you going to ask her on a date again?” Jamison stopped whatever he was doing. Hana was asking the questions he wouldn’t dare of asking himself, afraid of what would be his own reaction. His heart ached someway at the thought that she would never agree of going out with him, they were way too different, and he was a big piece of shit, he knew that enough. In fact, any girl who ever said yes to going on a date with him should’ve been out of their fucking mind.

“We were never on a date to begin with, so I don’t think so, no.” Hana looked at him confused. Jamison felt the need to clarify. “It was a joke. She just passed by to see me play, but we got nothing goin’ on.” He said.

It had been a long time since Hana had seen him so serious, he thought. Well she was the one who brought this up, so he needed to end this. He didn’t want to bother Mei with this date shit again, and didn’t want anyone else bothering her with this either.

“You looked so into her.” Hana said simply, now worried. What the fuck was she worried about? He had already told her there was nothing going on.

“What can I say? Gotta be out of your goddamn mind to reject a fella like me, right?” He joked, hoping to end the subject. Hana gave him a half smile, still worried, while he was laughing at his own joke.

“I liked her. You should ask her out.” Hana said, still smiling to him. He was tired of hearing her talk about this, it wasn't as serious as she was making it out to be. “We all liked her, didn’t we?” She looked back to the band, who were distracting themselves with their phones.

“As long as she makes him get his shit straight.” Mako was the first to speak, to then look at Amélie who just shrugged while putting her phone down.

“I didn’t get to meet her and honestly, I do not care.” The woman said with her thick French accent, picking up her guitar again. “Hana, you need to work on your vocals, you were singing off key at the show.”

Jamison laughed at Hana’s distressed and offended face she made whenever she was criticized. He walked over to his drums again while she glared back to him. Amélie started playing _Chemicals_  on her guitar, doing her best to ignore Hana’s complaints, while the others adjusted to their places. Jamison was ready to follow her lead.  

 

* * *

 

 

After rehearsal, Jamison and Hana picked up Lucio so they could go over to her place. Hana’s apartment was too big for her, but she liked space, and she liked to feel comfortable. It was filled with pastel colors, every piece of furniture was the fluffiest and most comfortable thing to sit on, especially because she spent so much time sitting down. After all, Hana was a successful videogame player. When she wasn’t with her friends or rehearsing, she would always be playing videogames. She and Lucio met at a party he played at after a big game event, or at least that was what they told people. Jamison could swear they met on Tinder.  

"What are we playing today?" Lucio asked after Hana opened the door, letting them all inside. He threw himself on her white couch like he was at home.

"Smash bros." Jamison replied, something he and Hana had already agreed on previously. Lucio immediately made a frustrated expression.

"I hate that game." He complained. "Why don't we play something else for a change, huh? Babe?” He looked over expecting to find his girlfriend, but she was already in her room changing clothes to something else. She got out wearing pajama shorts and a t-shirt and headed straight to the television set.

"I want to play it. Why do you care? You won't play it seriously anyway." She said simply, turning the wii on and getting a control for herself in her hands.

"That's exactly the problem. _You_ will." He said tiredly.  

Hana shrugged and gave the other control to Jamison, who just grinned to him in return. “Sorry mate, lady's orders."

Lucio sighed, giving up, his hands in the air in defeat. "I'm gonna grab a beer. Want one?" He asked, finally managing to get out of the couch.

"Mate, the day I say no to that you should shoot me right in the head.” Jamison joked, making him laugh.   

Lucio finger gunned him playfully and looked to Hana. "Babe, do you want some?"

"Yeah!" She exclaimed, still concentrated on the TV. She launched herself on the couch beside Jamison, with the control in hands. They started the game. Jamison chose Olimar and Hana chose Kirby, he sighed dramatically when she picked the little round demon because he already knew what was coming.

"I can't believe ya get to do this all day long." Jamison said, struggling to keep himself alive in the game. He was relatively good at it, but anyone would feel like the worst player in the world beside Hana.

"Living the dream, am I right?" She smirked and blinked at him. And he laughed out loud.

"Yer a lucky piece of shit." Lucio had put the beers on the coffee table in front of them and sat beside Hana, drinking his own.

"It’s a talent." She smirked again, after killing his character one more time. Jamison groaned in annoyance and Lucio laughed.

"There's no point in playing this with ya.” He said angrily, he had five lives, but they were all gone in a little more than a minute, if that was even possible. Jamison pointed at Lucio. “Should’ve listened to ya."

"I told you." Lucio shrugged, taking another sip of his beer.

"It’s not even fucking fair, she picks that pink little cunt and it’s already game over before ya even start.”

"She’s a bully." Lucio said, and Hana didn’t look offended at all. She seemed delighted to being recognized as the best between them. 

"I could pick a mii and you’d still lose, ‘cuz you all suck." She laughed evilly, and Jamison glared at her. He also hated losing.

"She gets money off of this. That’s a bloody crime." Jamison complained, looking back at Lucio.

Hana put her hand up to him, palm in the front of his face, stopping him in his line of thought. "Why do you care? You're rich."

"Ooh, she has a point." Lucio put his hand over his mouth at the latest comeback. Jamison rolled his eyes and groaned, taking a big sip of his beer.

“I _earned_ my money.” She said proudly, continuing a subject she knew wasn't that pleasant.

“It’s not like I had a fucking choice, is it?” It wasn’t, they all knew that. He only got that much money off the inheritance his parents had left him and they were friends with him long enough to know the whole story. Hana had digged at him for exactly this, so he wasn’t going to let it slide.

“Oh shit.” Lucio just muttered in disbelief.

Hana crossed her arms, rolling her eyes, she might as well be dead to ever admit she was wrong or out of line. Jamison knew she wasn’t going to ever say she was sorry for anything.

“Sorry dude.” So Lucio usually said sorry for her. Lucio was better than him and Hana, because he wouldn't have asked for his own forgiveness either. Hana was annoyed, not even looking to Jamison’s face, especially because she was aware she had gone too far. 

Jamison laughed and shrugged, it’s not like it bugged him. He just wanted to make Hana shut the fuck up, and she did, so mission accomplished. The three of them just took a big drink of their own beers at the same time. Silence used to last seconds between them, and this was no different. They weren’t the type to hold any grudges.

"You never got to meet Mei, did you?" Hana said to her boyfriend while she tucked herself under his arm.

"If she’s as pretty as you he’s won the lottery.” She laughed and Lucio smiled to her, they blushed together.

"You two are disgusting." Jamison took a sip of his beer even though he was feeling nauseous.

"He really likes her doesn't he?" Lucio and Hana continued to talk to each other by his side.

"It’s surprising to find there’s actual human emotion inside his cold punk heart." Hana laughed, Jamison could see that she was genuinely happy for him. This somehow made him angrier.

"I'm right here, you cunts." He was getting tired of whatever act there were doing. Hana still ignored his complaints.

"She's very nice, polite, kind, shy.” Hana said, counting with her fingers. Lucio seemed surprisingly interested in what she was saying. “Think of everything Jamie isn't. That's her."

Lucio put his hand on his chin, as if he were thinking deeply on what his girlfriend had just told him. "Interesting, why did he think that dating this chick was a good idea?"

"Stop talking to me as if I'm not here!" That was the last straw, Jamison was practically fuming by now. "First off, we’re not dating. Second, I don't like her, _like_ her. What is this, the damn third grade? Get the fuck over yerselves.”

"Hm." The couple just stared at him, blankly, with their hands on their chins.  

"I swear to god Lucio, I’m gonna throw this bottle in your goddamn face." Lucio didn’t look frightened, but he damn well should be.

"I’m just curious." Lucio said innocently, raising his arms in defeat. Jamison knew him better to see that he was lying. "He definitely likes her doesn't he?" Lucio said to Hana again, making her beam with happiness. She nodded, making a disgustingly cute face.


End file.
